My chest pain still trying killing me..not sure because of working in air-conditioning environment, or something else. Am i going to die? Not sure though. I wish I do, but as I'm writing now, so means that I'm still alive.
Apart of that, I missed mom really much. But seems she's hurted inside her heart with me; regarding to what had happened last weekend. I don't know what to do now. I just feel that die is better than living. I really dont get it, why I am still alive??? I'm not a good daughter, not even good sister, lazy worker, unfaithful servant to Allah, so why I'm still alive???I wish someone will save me from all these dilemma.
Apart of that, I missed mom really much. But seems she's hurted inside her heart with me; regarding to what had happened last weekend. I don't know what to do now. I just feel that die is better than living. I really dont get it, why I am still alive??? I'm not a good daughter, not even good sister, lazy worker, unfaithful servant to Allah, so why I'm still alive???I wish someone will save me from all these dilemma.
And now,NONE.
Dear Allah, I am writing this, as I know that you're the one who will read this, not others.
I know that I already being forbid from suicide, and due to that I'm not going to suicide.
Can I die in happy way?If I died due to cancer, or accident, my mom would probably suffers more and I don't want that happened.
I'm not sure whether die before my mom or my dad or my brother is a wise decision, but now what I feel now is I'm suffering deep in my heart; thinking of leftovers memories, and also, I know, it's useless to turn down more weight, it's useless to pray to meet soulmate as I know I am kind of bitch deep inside mysoul, so to get good soulmate is never going to happen right?
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