Dying or not..

My chest pain still trying killing me..not sure because of working in air-conditioning environment, or something else. Am i going to die? Not sure though. I wish I do, but as I'm writing now, so means that I'm still alive.

Apart of that, I missed mom really much. But seems she's hurted inside her heart with me; regarding to what had happened last weekend. I don't know what to do now. I just feel that die is better than living. I really dont get it, why I am still alive??? I'm not a good daughter, not even good sister, lazy worker, unfaithful servant to Allah, so why I'm still alive???I wish someone will save me from all these dilemma.

And now,NONE.

           Dear Allah, I am writing this, as I know that you're the one who will read this, not others. 

I know that I already being forbid from suicide, and due to that I'm not going to suicide. 

Can I die in happy way?If I died due to cancer, or accident, my mom would probably suffers more and I don't want that happened.

I'm not sure whether die before my mom or my dad or my brother is a wise decision, but now what I feel now is I'm suffering deep in my heart; thinking of leftovers memories, and also, I know, it's useless to turn down more weight, it's useless to pray to meet soulmate as I know I am kind of bitch deep inside mysoul, so to get good soulmate is never going to happen right?

The One who Dissappointing me is...ME!!

The one who disappointing me is me, not my exs. Because they can move on and I'm the one who is stuck with those feeling.

If not mistaken, I already prayed to Allah so that I am able to move on without having rebound or what so ever. But seems still not granted yet since the wounds suddenly swollen.

Dear Allah,
I am not angry at you since you always give me the best part in my lives.
I just want to get over these feelings,
I dont ever need this feelings any more.
I want to be happy.
I deserves happiness
Please, remove this feelings ASAP.

Best Regards,
Atika

My Heart has been Stolen by....GAME!!!

          Few days ago, I was so bored with Online Game of Ayakashi Ghost Guild but then I just randomly search new game in App Store.Hence  I found this game:Kingdoms At War.

In beginning I thought it would be just like other game..only myself alone playing.. Ayakashi is online game, but we just silent there; increase level, get more daemon cards, attack other in order to get seal stone.Then join big battle like En Garde' Guild Battle.

But then the moment I install the game, I opened and register name as limauh. In beginning I thought want to register with name ayakashi since I'm sooooo into that game. But then someone else has already using that name. Then I just remember that one anime move which really I deeply fans of; Kyo kara Maoh (God Save Our King). So I wrote my name as Limauh [supposed to be Limaoh but then I having typo (again???...damn...)]..so in beginning I just keep scout, attack and steal others. But then one person hired me [Ricu], so I leave the clan which I don't remember its name since I found nothing there. So Ricu invited me to join The Chosen Elite Clan. Starting with 'Hi' words in Clan Chat, I never expecting I have good friends there. Some closest friend like dark_t, bwizzle, ganthor, RockOut_withCaulkOut, lordoftheded and many more. Seems my life is not lonely anymore in Penang.

This game is so much excitement of Epic Battle (EB) like the Forgotten and many more. We will get more points during battle if we have more plunder from our allies. In the beginning, yes I do have 250 allies but then Ricu advised me to have less allies which have bigger plunder. So currently I only have only 1 ally and in progress of having another ally in mean time to ensure backup gold must be 1 Billion++ in order to maintain good perf during eb.

Usually when we play games, we only focus on the game, but in this game, we earn gold and fun together with our clanmate. Sometimes, there is fight inside cc, but it just cat-n-dog-fight; just like we quarrel with our sibling in prev. days.

I can't wait to join eb and cc today. Wish got more fun there today. I missed them already. Different country, different background, different races, different language but lovely moment we shared together.

That's all for today

p/s-A motorcycler called me wood and pig on road this morning; but i just ignore because i know if he's really good and educated, then he won't call me like that with his cheap and rotten bike.